When is a shopping spree not a shopping spree? When is it a shopping addiction?
My own history with shopping is not without remorse and, well, issues. Let’s put it this way: Nordstrom’s would call me to remind me that they were having their Half-Yearly sale and they hoped to see me there. Instead of taking that for the wake-up call it should have been, I turned it into a joke, “You know you have a shopping problem when Nordstrom’s is calling you.” But I really did have a problem.
What’s the difference between a little over the top shopping, and a real disease? According to WebMD, there are some key factors to determine a shopping addiction:
(Editor’s personal notes in italics)
1. Spending over budget. This implies there was a budget to begin with. Any really great shopping addict knows you can’t go over a budget you don’t/won’t have.
2. Compulsive buying. According to Ruth Engs, EdD, a professor of applied health sciences at Indiana University, this is where someone will go out to buy a pair of shoes, and come home with 10. Embarassingly enough, I would go out intending to buy a shirt or pair of shoes, and come home with half a dozen of the same item. Not even multiple colors or different styles, the exact same item. I would think, it’s so comfortable and with my luck they won’t make it anymore, or there might be a total cease and desist on manufacturing black t-shirts and I’ll be out of luck! No one said I was rational.
3. It’s a chronic problem. In other words, not just a Christmas binge. I would shop at least once a week, and I couldn’t pass by Nordstrom’s Rack without stopping. I bought gifts for people that I thought might be in their size because I couldn’t pass up a great deal. They would sit in bags with the tags on them, and I would discover them in piles as I cleaned my room.
4. Hiding the problem. Seems self-explanatory, right? The bags of clothes that I discovered in my room, I couldn’t even bring myself to list on ebay or craigslist; that would’ve created an accounting, a list of the money I spent, and I wasn’t willing to look at it. I just transferred the items from the bags to trash bags and dropped them off at the local Goodwill, and then I would throw out my charity receipts because I didn’t need them for my taxes and I didn’t want to think about donating $2000 worth of clothes and other items.
5. A vicious circle. Engs further brings out that debt isn’t an indicator of the problem, as some get into the vicious circle of shopping and returning, creating a continuous downward spiral. Wish that had been me. I couldn’t seem to return anything if my life depended on it.
6. Impaired relationships. Like any addiction, there comes a point where family and friends (that choose not to enable) say, “No more!” Oddly enough, much of my shopping addiction came from trying to repair already damaged relationships with gifts and things. One might surmise that I was continuing a cycle of showing family members you love them with posessions, and one would be correct.
7. Clear consequences. The difference between a choice and an addiction is when the compulsion interferes with your daily life, when it creates consequences that you don’t want, but feel unable to avoid. I have credit card debt, still…from shopping five to seven years ago. The real unfortunate part is that these consequences aren’t relegated to us (back to impaired relationships). I feel very fortunate that my husband recognizes that my mistakes were before our relationship and doesn’t judge me on them.
WebMD also goes on to talk about warning signs. Simply put, if you shop to feel better, you have a problem. If you go into withdrawal without it, you have a problem. If you have to lie or hide it,* you have a problem.
If you have a shopping problem, find help. There’s therapy, 12 step programs. Anything’s better than waking up seven years later with a credit card hangover and the taste of shame in your mouth.
I can proudly say I have much better shopping habits today. I did buy a baby gift last year that I wasn’t able to send, but that was because by the time I got the address, the rugrat had outgrown what I bought for him (Now I know toys instead of clothes). I know that I’m not able to take advantage of all of the frugal things out there, because I don’t want to start buying “good deals” and stocking up again; it was getting too close to hoarding for my taste. I’m not perfect, it’s still definitely a one shopping trip at a time, but last week I looked at the clearance rack at Target, found something I could’ve bought, but thought, “It’s not in the budget, and I don’t need it anyway.” Victory.
Photo by Allan Ferguson
